I guess I’m just a little too sensitive…..

Hey. So, I’ve been going through a difficult time again, and I know you’re like, “Come on, you’re ALWAYS going through a difficult time!” and maybe you’re right? I don’t know.

It is never easy to start a new job, and the first week went well, but this week….not so much. When you have been in my shoes, gone through what I have gone through the last four years, you lose a bit of your fight, and in my case, I’ve become timid and scared. This is not the person I used to be. Yes, I’m too damned sensitive for my own good and I know it, but it has crossed over into outright fear.

My husband is worried it is “pattern of behavior,” but after I told him what things were said to me this week, and HOW they were said, without exaggeration, he was a bit my sympathetic. I think the real problem is one my husband and my dear friend G (waving at you!) have both said: You keep landing in these toxic work environments! It’s like you keep falling into shit!

So, have I fallen into shit again? It’s too soon to tell. And I’m not going to regurgitate all the mean girl shit and bullying tyranny I’ve been subjected to this week. Suffice it to say my husband brought me THIS book from the library, and I’m tucking into it tonight:

457641_cover.inddThis weekend I took a drive up to my mother’s place, and it helped, though I am in panic mode about going to work tomorrow . Going to my mother’s house is like being surrounded in a warm hug. Sleeping under quilts on a cold night, having her bean and ham soup for lunch and homemade fajitas and margaritas for dinner. Going to see Frozen and then hitting the thrift stores where I made a HUGE score.UBDjXNYeD5-SsRcvJyqt4PrT_M2_tkHwB-1mJH7e5q4Someone with impeccable musical taste must have died because a massive album collection was for sale at the Hospice shop. This is what I DID buy. For 3 bucks — each record was fifty cents. When I think about what I left behind — some Burt Baccarach, Pearl Bailey (!) and a mint condition two-album set of the original case recording of Sweeney Todd with Angela Landsbury. But see, I don’t like Sondheim that much! I know!

This guy had classical, show tunes and jazz coming and going, and sadly, WAY too much Streisand. I don’t want to profile, but…..well, you know. But whoever and wherever he is, I thank him. For the record (oh god, the pun!) I got Leontyne Price’s Aida, Herb Alpert, Laura Nyro, Stan Getz and Joao Gilberto, Nancy Wilson and the soundtrack to Elvira Madigan (one of my favorite movies) which is essentially Mozart, but still.

And I want to tell you that I liked Frozen, and that’s no lie – I left the theatre knowing a lyric to every song, so that’s some good songwriting there. All the little girls in the theatre were singing along to every song, and if you think that bothered me you must not know me because I love to see little girls having fun.

And then I read that Laura Linney had a baby, a baby, at the ripe old age of 49, and was like, “I can still do it, there’s still time for me!” But in the light of day I’m just not sure. Still. A little hope.

And then I found Out of Africa on tv last night at mom’s, because she has so many more channels than I do, and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the good old fashioned storytelling put forth by true professionals. Plus, every time Robert Redford gave Meryl Streep the bedroom eyes, I said, “Let’s bone,” which is something I do when I’m watching a movie with my husband but not mom, except last night when I felt it would go over okay.

And speaking of Bob, because that’s what I call him in my head, “Bob,” damn, that hurt getting passed over for an Oscar nom, but I’m not surprised because despite all he’s done for the film industry, he doesn’t play the game, and clearly, if there’s one lesson I’ve learned in life, if you don’t play the fucking GAME you will be penalized, so let me tip a 40 out for you Bob, because I’m still calling you Bob. It’s like that, homie.

And speaking of the Oscar noms, that was a whole shitload of MEH. I  was stuck in my car and heard the noms live, and only pumped my fist twice: for best foreign language film The Hunt, and best documentary Cutie and the Boxer. You know how I feel about THOSE movies.

And because I can’t tell the story enough, my husband has interviewed Jordan Catalano himself, Jared Leto, so I can brag honey has talked to an Oscar winner, because let’s be frank, that is going to happen. So once again, I live vicariously through someone else. But, fun fact, and not the E! kind of fun fact (oy!), honey said he was one the nicest people he’s ever interviewed. Which I did not see coming, but good on him, amirite?

And not speaking of the Golden Globes, not really, because that was a week ago, and BORING, I did like these two dresses:

Caitlin-Fitzgerald-Golden-Globes-2014

Masters’ of Sex Caitlin Fitzgerald is giving me Judy Jetson meets Betty Draper realness and I love it!

1golden_globes20

Octogenarian June Squibb is giving me June Squibb, and that’s all I need to feel all Squibby. Love. Huh!

So that’s about it, and a lot of ANDS I know, but I felt like getting it all out. I don’t know when I’ll post again. But I hope you’ll keep me in your thoughts? Maybe just a little?

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Buy me a drink, sing me a song, take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long.

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3 comments on “I guess I’m just a little too sensitive…..
  1. lumay says:

    You are always in my thoughts. Tonight, I watched Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and I thought of you and the retarded Seth Rogan. I also think of you when I am prowling through a thrift store — wondering if you’d somehow have better luck than I do in the thrift-wasteland of suburban Pittsburgh. **hugs**

  2. Toni says:

    I was wondering how the new job was going. I’ve been out of the work place for almost ten years and if I ever got another job I’d have to be heavily medicated in order to deal with all of the bs that happens at work. Congratulations on the thrifting score. I never find anything when I go to thrift stores, my Mom on the other hand finds all sorts of cool treasures.

    • tanyadiva says:

      Toni, I envy you. Sadly, it’s looking like this job might not last once Monday comes, and that’s the sad fact of life in South Florida right now. All these employers put on a great face during the interview process, but once you get inside, it’s a whole ‘nother story. And also sadly, we can’t live on one salary. We will see what the future brings!

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