I cut my hair last week. Some people have asked for a picture, and though I don’t like putting my puss up for everyone to see (I photograph for shit), I figured a thumbnail wouldn’t kill me.
Granted, it’s not like I hacked it all off, but it’s a lot shorter than I’ve worn it in years. And in the spirit of saving money, damn, I’m using a LOT less conditioner.
Today, Oprah attempted to save me with her witchcraft by teaching me how to live with less and enjoy a simpler life. Although frankly, I don’t know how some woman who belonged to three country clubs who went to bed for month and then divorced her husband and now lives in a shack in the woods with her two kids is supposed to give me hope. Although she was wanly crocheting SOMETHING. Jaysus knows what. It looked like some granny square concoction. That’s about all they were capable of at my last job — one giant granny square. Because God forbid you have to join those squares!
Moving on! I’ve sold more crap on Half.com. Huzzah! I can eat! Thank you lord, someone out there wants the Zach Braff movies I bought back in the day. What WAS I thinking?! Oh wait, I wasn’t. I’m also going to sell my old iMac and printer on Craigslist. Where I applied for some jobs today. Are you proud of me, honey? It’s just a matter of time before Ebay comes a knockin’. Because I need that Diane Von Furstenberg skirt my ex-boss bought me like I need a case of hemorhoids. Let’s erase ALL the bad memories!
I have a confession: I think the place next door to me is operating a phone sex business. See, I live in a retail/apartment complex. And this place is actually across the street and a half block away. It is above where the Starbucks used to be. And all the employees park here. But here’s the catch: They are only WOMEN. They dress über-casual, and are from all walks of life. Some young, some middle age. Some cute and attractive, some not so much. They all come in at the same time every day, and leave at the same time each evening. Now you tell me: What in the world kind of place would employ this specific group of people?
That’s right. A phone sex call center. I’m thinking I should walk over there. You know Girl 6 has always been my favorite Spike Lee movie. I’ve been told I have the voice for it.