I want you to think about that question for a bit. Feel free to answer in the comments. Whether you comment here regularly or never have before. I really want to know.
I’ll bet you wonder why I ask. I’ll tell you: I didn’t get the job. I had my interview on Wednesday, and was told I would hear one way or the other if I made it to the “second round,” which would commence on Friday. I will not lie — I did want this job. It was for an editorial assistant, something I did ten frackin’ years ago. But to do what I was trained to do, and not, um, clean men’s toilets? Yeah, I wanted it. And the benefits were amazing, even if the pay was only mediocre.
But I didn’t make it. Hey, at least they called. But why didn’t I? I don’t know. If I’m being honest, I think I whiffed on some of the questions. And then there was the fact that it was a double team interview. If it had just been nerd guy, I think I might have had it in the bag. But then nerd girl came in, and I new I was toast. Now look, I’m not Megan Fox, but laws, this thing was as plain as dirt, and in dire need of a makeover. Have you ever seen someone who has hair that just has no shine at all? Like it has the color of coal dust? And looks like it was cut with pinking shears? Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I need a root job and there’s some silver in there, but at least my locks are shiny!
Anyway. Those questions. I really think these questions have got stop, and whoever thinks the “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?” line of questioning works needs a boot up his or her ass, and badly. Folks, I have interviewed job applicants, and more than once. I never asked these bullshit questions. Which leads me to the title of this missive.
When I got lobbed “What makes you special?” I honestly was gobsmacked. What the hell kind of question is that? My husband came up with the perfect answer. “I’m very versatile.” Of course, that did NOT come tripping off my tongue. I won’t tell you what did. But I will tell you what could have. Because I have made it almost a game at this point!
1) My incredible three-point shot.
2) My solid gold ladyparts
3) I see dead people.
You get the idea! Play along, please. It’s so much fun…
Basically, my problem is this: I think everyone is special. I don’t care what religion/non-religion you are, everyone is special in God’s/Buddha’s eyes. Or in the universe’s eyes. Don’t you think? We all bring something to the table. But maybe it’s not something you can discuss in a job interview. Maybe what makes you special is your killer Yoda impersonation, I don’t know. I once had a friend whom I could say that about.
Whatever. I just think I blew it with the nerds, and besides, female nerd once wrote a book with an old friend/critique group leader of mine (name withheld) who is a multi-published novelist, I mean this is what she does for a living. And I think nerd-girl got this one shot with a coattail project with my friend, and never had any success again. Now, where I come from, that little bit of success is better than none, as we all know, I chased that dragon and never caught its tail. But maybe blurting out, “OMG, I’ve read that book, and I know the other author, she’s a friend of mine!” was not the thing to say. It just wasn’t.
So now you know what happened. I have twelve weeks until I run out of benefits. Then, my tiny savings trickles away. We are getting to the point where we can’t afford food and medicine. So, what am I doing today?
Well, I just got my gold tooth put in, I did apply for some jobs, and I’m going to see that Babies movie. Please don’t ask me why. Yes, my ovaries are tingling. But I need a baby like I need to be kicked by a goat. I don’t know, it’s just that Mongolian baby, there’s something about HIM. He’s such a badass.