Things people say

There is a time in life when you realize you are just going to blog one day per week. That is my current realization. There it is. I am putting it out there in the universe. Will it change? Maybe. I don’t want to be one of those people who abandon my blog. I’ve been doing this and people have been not caring since 2004. Let’s continue, shall we?

First, the photo portion of your show. My show (Stitch Rock) comes in one week. I STILL have not received my work schedule for next week. So maybe they have me working on Saturday? Who the fuckity fuck fuck knows? I turned in my request a month ago. I panic about these things. Will I find out when I go in today at 2? Your guess is as good as mine.

Either way, I am prepared. Right now I am in my last minute stages of glueing, hand sewing, etc. Here is a photo of some new stuff.

Don’t worry, I’ve made more than hats…

Work, well, it sux. I really hate this job, what can I tell you. But you know, one must endure if one wishes to eat and pay bills. For everyone who says, “Oh it must be great to work in a bookstore!? I say, “Are you on crack?” I don’t think it’s great even in those bastions of indiedom, Powells or The Strand. But here in corporate land, la, but it’s dismal.

Folks, ever time a person buys Bill O’Reilly’s new book, an angel dies. At least that’s what I tell my fellow employees.

Every time someone buys a new eReader, why is it the first book they download for it an “I hate Obama” book? You know what I’m talking about. Now look, I don’t think he’s exactly doing a great job, but neither do I think he’s Satan incarnate….

Also, would the old man who brought his eReader for me to fix please explain why he had a copy of “Six Sexy Stories on it, in addition to the usual Clive Cussler shit? Please, I can’t even give you the titles of the sexy six, or I will be loaded with pron spam by tomorrow. Sigh. And to think he shook my hand. Thank God I found the hand sanitizer my boss stole from me. Bastard!

And to the sanctimonious twatwaffles who ponce about yelling at me that they never want to buy an eReader because they have “A library of 25,000 books!” Well, your cleaning bill and infestation of silverfish must stink. Go pitch a tent. Gah! Yesterday I told a woman who felt the need to yell at me when I hadn’t even approached or spoken to her (because I don’t roll like that) “Lady, I’m not tying you down and forcing you to buy one, mkay?”

And laws, the creepers. Oh, my legion of store boyfriends needs to leave me alone, and stat. Or my husband is going to come after them with a baseball bat.

But in conclusion, I finally had to crack down on the Oprah-sanctioned reading list followers. These lemmings are all running to Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom like it is cherry-covered cheescake. Last week I asked a woman if she read everything Oprah told her to. Yes I did!

And finally, when a man asked if I’d read it yesterday and wouldn’t take my standard “No I have not,” for an answer, instead pressing me for a why, I gave him a reason.

“I don’t read books about miserable white people.”

And so you have been schooled my friends. Until next week!


Golden Rules

I’m off to work in an hour. I don’t hate working on a Saturday, because once it’s over, I usually have Sunday and Monday off. It’s Fridays that I hate. Working from 2 to 10 is horrific.

How I kill the time: Yes, I will not lie, I actually sometimes stand there and read books on the eReader. What is my choice of reading? Celebrity bios, mais bien sur! Last week it was Raquel Welch’s Raquel: Beyond the Cleavage. Bitch. She stole that title from me!

This is how I look every night when I get home. Actually, no.

It’s really more of an “aging fabulously” manual, but frankly, I need that right now.

This week, it was Tim Gunn’s Golden Rules. You can read that in a few hours, trust me. Tim’s golden rules are indeed….golden, but he does offer a side of serious dish. Issac Mizrahi is a diva and Anna Wintour is a bitch. Pass it on, in case you didn’t already know!

But seriously, Tim says take the high road, and I always try to do just that. One of my many problems with this ABYSMAL job, and let’s face it, it is, is the fact that people I used to work with keep walking in the front door! And where am I situated? Right there, smack in their face! Now in most cases it’s been okay, especially with people from the paper, and even for former customers of mine from ye olde yarn shoppe. They’ve been dears.

But one of my former co-workers from ye olde yarn barn just had to come in yesterday (the day I ripped my favorite jacket, was still fighting a cold…I could go on) and she just had to walk by with her friend and make a snide comment.

This is not surprising because she is an uppity, snotty bitch who I once told “Go fuck yourself.” Kids, I had it coming.

But I took the high road and didn’t engage. Instead, I had my favorite new co-worker, who I’ll call Youngblood, come be my knight in shining armor so she couldn’t hit me up alone on the way out.

And as she walked out the door, I said so she could plainly hear me, “Satan get behind me!”

That’s my story, and I’m sticking with it. I kind of have an old lady crush on Youngblood, but I have discussed this with my husband, and we are cool. Don’t worry, I would never corrupt a young virgin boy.

I promise!

Oh, hai

OMG, I don’t post anymore. I’m so sorry, I just work, come home, watch bad TV and sleep. Forgive me?

If you’re my friend on the awful, awful Facebook, you’ve already seen these, but I wanted to show the photos of the kitty quilt my mom made me for my birthday. Please, to enjoy?

I really wanted to show this - the little message on the reverse side of the quilt, with the mouse.

Gosh, that wasn’t so hard. Why did I wait so long? Oh wait, I know. MY HUSBAND NEVER LETS ME USE THE COMPUTER!!!! I really don’t even fight it anymore.

Okay, now for something COMPLETELY different. I keep seeing this movie trailer for Legend of the Guardians, some animated claptrap about epic OWLS. I am not kidding! It’s like some hipster’s acid fever dream! I mean, you know how every time you go to the Etsy front page you see owls? I know!

Anyway, here it is. I want to get really high or drunk and see this. I mean really high or drunk.