Lady, this ain’t Antiques Roadshow

Whenever I actually force myself to sit down here and write these days, I realize I want to tool with the blog, change the header, blah blah blah. But wanting to do it and actually doing it? Well, that’s a different story. It’s amazing I am simply WRITING. My schedule is not my own. I am now working some 9 to 5s (and 6s) along with lots of midshifts — 12 to 8 p.m. Which honestly sucks as bad as the dreaded 4 to close. You lose the whole middle chunk of your day, get home and crash.

So, I do what I can. I don’t want to quit my blog, so I don’t. I just do random drive-bys. But obviously, my theme has changed. I still knit, but I mainly test knit for others or make things for my store. Which doesn’t sell great guns, but I’m thankful to be working on two custom items right now. Every bit of pin money helps.

No, I’m here to tell you about the asshattiness and general cluelessness I encounter on a daily basis at Big Box Bookstore. Come on, you know you want it!

Like a few Saturdays ago. A woman approaches me with a battered shopping bag and pulls out a raggedy painting. “Excuse me, miss. Can you give me an estimate on getting this painting restored? It’s a gen-u-ine Norman Rockwell, and very valuable.”

I’m not a fan of Norman, but here’s a portrait he did of Ann Margret that I kind of like.

Well. I will tell you this, folks. I’m a pretty good expert at vintage clothes and jewelry (I say pretty good, not great) but I am NOT one at priceless art. However, this thing was about as genuine as the shoes I got at Target, mmkay? Smudged paint, and the signature was on the left hand side, not the right, which is a giveaway. So, I gave my standard answer…well, actually a nicer version of my answer, which is “JFGI!” That’s an acronymn for Just Fucking Google It, in case you didn’t know…

Frankly, after the whole exchange I felt like something out of Antiques Roadshow, know what I’m sayin’?

Then there was the weird one who came up to me Saturday night and said, “What are these?”
“They’re eReaders, sir.”
“What do they do?”
“You read books on them.”
“Read one to me. Now. But not loud, kind of soft. So no one else can hear you.”

And the kicker is, I acutally did. A sentence or two of some Grisham. But that was it. Any more, and I’d a had to charge him.

Those are just some outstanding examples. There will be more. I’m not even going to go into the Rogue’s Gallery of our regulars, including Backpack Joe, Sandal Sam and Heidi the Hooker who loves Jesus.

Or the absolute douchenozzle who walked up to me last night while I had ten minutes left on my shift, while he was WITH HIS DAD, and said, with no humor, “If you do your job right, you might actually sell one of these to me.”

“I do my job right every night, ” I told him. And twenty minutes later, I did. Ugly flip flop wearing fucktard. I bet he doesn’t get any trim. Just sayin’

Here’s some pretty things I put in the Etsy shop for Cyber Monday. None have sold as of yet, but I did work hard, I love them all, and they’re all originals.

There. That wasn’t so hard, Tanya. Now next time I blog, hopefully I can actually do some work with the site itself. Let’s take bets on THAT happening!

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3 comments

  1. Gina · December 1, 2010

    I can’t believe people. You’d think with the holidays approaching people would remember to be nicer. Nope! I hope Santa brings them all coal and stuffs the lumps down their throats!

    I dread closing. 2-close is the worst!

  2. Susan · December 1, 2010

    Your Etsy stuff is gorgeous and you, as usual, are funny as hell. I hope Mr. Fucktard gets a really bad hemorrhoid. At least he’ll have something to read…

  3. Bonnie · December 4, 2010

    Read it to me not loud is sort of akin to “it puts the lotion in the basket.” Right??!?! How effing creepy. Time to start a twitter account called crazy crap customers say. It could be a book or a sitcom or at the very least a place to vent.

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