I’m sorry, Oprah

I got home in plenty of time to watch Oprah’s final hour today, because my hours at work have been cut. But I didn’t do it. I feel just horrible, but I think Oprah and her millions (or should I say BILLIONS) will surrvive. I also meant to clean the dead ants off the window ledge today, but I have not gotten to that yet, and the clock, it is a ticking. I swear I am a clean person, ants notwithstanding.

Look, I have been doing this thing I do since 2004. I swear it’s true. I started at Blogger, moved to Typead (my favorite) then to Squarespace (blech) and now here. I am not in love with WordPress. If I can get my new Droid phone up and running and with free ringtones and a million apps and the settings just right in less than a day, why can’t I get this thing some decent widgets? But I digress.

Look, y’all, all five of the decent, kind folks who read my blather: Every day in my mind I compose epic posts. I truly do. But then some asstard comes in and ruins my day or makes me cry (which I do only when I get home) and then I just give up and play a few games of Burn it All on my iPad. This is game where you literally burn things up. It appeals to the pyro in me, and kills the stress.

I hate my job. My hours have been cut so drastically I am making less, LESS than I did on unemployment. I interviewed/tested at a temp agency yesterday, and the good news is my skills haven’t atrophied as much as I thought they had. I actually scored quite well on the Excel portion of the test — better than the Word, which shocked me. But they can’t place me unless I cut the one lifeline to a small trickle of pay, and if they did, it could be for a nine month job or a nine day job. I fucking give up. I really do.

Knitting is no longer a pleasure for me, and I haven’t touched the needles in days. I will soon, since I have a show this fall. But I can’t tell you when I will knit again for myself, personally. I just don’t give a flying fig. I can’t finish reading a book to save my life. I did go see Bridesmaids with Jon this weekend, but I cried more than I laughed. Because there’s nothing like seeing another woman hit rock bottom professionally to get me to really feel it in the gut, amirite?

I guess this is all a long way of saying I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t have anything to say that I believe anyone wants to hear. Who wants to hear me bitch and moan? I don’t. I really and truly don’t. Maybe what I need to do is another rebirth, like a Tumblr blog. But then I think, oh shit, isn’t that what all the hipster kids are doing, and isn’t that passé now? Why, I’ll be mocked out of the Internets, mocked I tells ya.

So until I decide what to do (which I’d put here), I’m going to take the pressure off myself. I feel better already. Even though I say I hate Facebook, it’s quick and easy and I keep it active. Most of you are already my friends there, and if you’re not and want to be, leave a comment with your contact info and we’ll do the deed.

I posted this on FB yesterday, but I’m putting it here again b/c I can’t stop watching it. Both the song and Richard’s speech resonate with me SO MUCH. If there was ever an era/decade of music that defined me personally, it was Britpop/rock in the 90s

A slave to money and then you die. I’m a million different people from one day to the next. I can’t change.
Love you, back soon.

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3 comments

  1. Gina · May 25, 2011

    I am sorry that you’re not sure if you’ll continue, but I definitely can understand. Let’s seriously make arrangements to speech via phone soon.

  2. JelliDonut · May 26, 2011

    I understand what you’re saying, but honestly, I really like reading your blog, because I truly enjoy the way your write. I know things suck, and I hate that they suck for you, but I just assume that it sucks for everybody, so it’s not like your blog is a downer for me.

    I loath and hate facebook but mostly because my ignorant family members congregate there. Plus, I was not able to ignore friend requests from some mean people, which makes me feel like an idiot. That being said, I’m hoping you’ll friend me, since it would be nice to see someone I respect on fb.

    P.S. My mother is visiting and she watched Oprah today. I didn’t–I was afraid she’d start crying.

  3. Toni R. · May 28, 2011

    I chose to give the Oprah good-bye a miss as well. In the last six years I think I’ve only sat down and watched maybe a handful of her shows. In fact I don’t watch any talk shows, games shows or soaps since I have been home, I will watch re runs of Unsolved Mysteries every day for two hours though, so go figure. I’m sorry your job search is still so sucky, I wish there was something I could say that would at least make you feel better, about the whole situation. Hugs. Toni

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