Why we hate you!

This is taken from THIS, complete with my asides….in screaming CAPS.

*We hate when a book becomes popular simply because it was turned into a movie. THE HELP!!!

*It confused us when we were asked where the non-fiction section is. BECAUSE THE ENTIRE STORE THAT ISN’T FICTION IS NONFICTION, TWATROCKET.

*Nicholas Sparks is not a good writer … if you like him, fine, but facts are facts. JAMES PATTERSON!!

*We greatly dislike the phrase “Quick question.” It’s never true. And everyone seems to have one. IF I HAD A DIME FOR EVERY ONE….

*Your summer reading list was our summer reading NIGHTMARE. Also, it’s called summer reading, not three days before school starts reading. PARENTS, TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL.

*It’s true that we lean to the left and think Glenn Beck is an idiot. I’M MOR, BUT HATE HIM AND O’REILLY, WHO IS APPARENTLY A DOUCHE ACCORDING TO MY CO-WORKERS.

*We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes and Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy. OR THE NUDIE TATTOO MAGS.

*If you don’t know the author, title, or genre, but you do know the color of the cover, we don’t either. How it was our fault that we couldn’t find it we’ll never understand. DO YOU HAVE THIS BOOK I HEARD ABOUT? THE COVER IS RED….

*We were never a daycare. Letting your children run free and destroy our section destroyed a piece of our souls. WE WILL KICK CRYING BABIES OUT. AND THAT’S JUST THE MOMMAS!

*Oprah was not the “final say” on what is awesome. We really didn’t care what was on her show or what her latest book club book was. Really. JONATHAN FRANZEN, ANYONE? DON’T BLAME ME WHEN YOU CAN’T READ IT!

*When you returned your SAT books, we knew you used them. We thought it wasn’t fair — seeing that we are not a library. I HOPE YOU DON’T BREAK 1000.

Ya’ll, I’m tired and hurting and maybe I have arthritis? Vacation is coming REAL SOON, even though the most exciting thing I will do is go to a flea market.

Enjoy some 1979. I know I did.

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2 comments

  1. Gina · September 26, 2011

    I feel your pain! I can only imagine the idiocy you must encounter.

    Ms. Harry is stellar!

  2. blueguju · May 20, 2012

    I love this!! I think I remember you telling me about this.

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