I watched the Oscars and all I got was insomnia and a hangover

Sometimes I go a while without posting. You know it, I know it. And then I swan back in and cover the Oscars, oh, four days after the event, when all the memes are played out. I don’t care! I’m old, old I tell ya, and I’ll do it my way or no way at all. I am now serving it up, bullet-point style.

*I am working until the end of April. Did I mention that? I can’t remember. But I am. And I’m actually working where I used to work for 17 years, and where my husband works now. Yes, the newspaper.

What’s it like? Well, it’s funny how people all look a little older, but not a lot. I’ve been gone eight years, so you get that incremental chunk of time to play with. I’m sure I look older, too. The big thing I kept hearing from people is “Everyone says you changed your hair color! You’re a blonde now!” Um, not exactly. I’m a blonde with four inches of grey and brown roots, if you must.

I know I’m about twenty pounds heavier, too. But that’s a story for another day. I work hard every day and am getting paid more than twice as much as I have at ANY JOB in the past six years. I don’t include the yarn barn in that equation, since I actually got a fair wage there, and great perks.

My plan is to sock as much of the money away as I can, which won’t be hard, and live on it over the summer. Don’t think I can’t do it. If you knew how little I have been living on, you’d understand. Maybe I’ll self-publish my two novels this summer. It could happen!!

Some people are nice and happy to see me, while others, mainly in my own department, are not. Do I care? No. They can suck it. They are all little babies who have been pampered way too long. I’ve worked at places where hobos where having sex in the bathroom. Your little bitch face doesn’t bother me. No, seriously. I’ve CHANGED. This last job from hell really did a number on me, but made me stand up for myself and I’m damned proud. I’m also thankful for this opportunity, and if others are jealous are pissed because I’m in their little kingdom, oh well. Sucks to be you!

*Oscars! I continued my annual drunken tweeting extravaganza, and got some new followers, and some retweets and favorites. But the South African Wine Commission, and why? Reasons, I guess.

Man, the show was boring. I also tried to make hashtag #JackWildRealness a thing, but no one bit, so I’ll just have  to pour a pint  out for our poor lost little boy. If you loved Jack like I loved Jack, say hey.

The dresses? Eh. No one seemed to like color this year. Except this radiant creature.


Look, I’m not being sarcastic when I say, I want to be June when I grow up. Or Judi Dench. You know, a woman of a certain age who is holding it together, but natural-like. You have to hand it to Tadashi Soji, that man can dress the non-size 2s of the world. Also, GREEN. Or as I’m calling it from now on, “Squibb Green.”

Having said that. I won’t hear a negative word said about Miss Lady Kim Novak. Here’s a great blog piece on the issue. Actually, a great blog in general. Scroll for an elegant defense of former best picture winner Gigi.

I was delighted when my description of this as a “Degas Ballernina” got lots of likes and “oh, you’re so rights!” on a popular fashion blog.


Because, um, of course. I did NOT like the dress from the front at first, but when I saw her doing the twirly-whirlys, well, I was sold. THANK GAWD she won. Love to June, and Sally Hawkins, too (WHO MUST PLAY CHRISSIE HYNDE IN A BIOPIC OF THE PRETENDERS, I AM YELLING, BUT AMIRITE?!)  but I was in fear a JLaw double whammy was going to happen.

I thought the PRETTIEST woman at the dance was Jared Leto’s mom. For reals.


When I see something like this, first I add it to my Pinterest page (of course), then I congratulate myself for sticking with the root grow-out process. It ain’t easy, but I feel like myself, for a change.

After the party is the after party, as RKells sez, and if my spirit animal the drunken hobo soul of Nick Nolte couldn’t be there, I’m glad my natural birth parents could.

2014 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Inside

Why oh why did they give me up for adoption?

So, that was the night that was, and if you joined me for it, thanks. It was fun! More fun than the show. I have had more fun tweeting during the Olympics and Oscars than I have in a long while. I’m ready to trash Facebook and move on to the other, more fun social medias for good.

Also, apparently this happened. Is it way harsh, Tai? You be the judge.

But please. Hashtag #JackWildRealness. Help me make this a THING, people!