My favorite movies of 2014 were all metaphors for the modern workplace.

Honey and I don’t go to as many movies as we used to. It makes me a little sad. I think it is hard for us to agree on what to see, even though I try very hard not to take him to every depressing Scandinavian film out there. In fact, I never even attempted to take him to Force Majeure, so there!

As for watching them at home, he will invariably fall asleep, so it’s not even worth it. I have my knitting to keep me awake, not that I expect him to take up knitting. Maybe stamp collecting? I don’t know what the answer is. Again, it makes me sad, since movies are very important to me, to who I am and what I am about.

And so it is with very little fanfare (because who really gives a shit but me?) that I present my favorite movies of 2014. Please understand, there are a lot of things I didn’t see and really wanted to, such as Inherent Vice, The Babadook and Whiplash. I think I will still have a chance anon.

As for what I did see, it’s a mix of high and low. And EVERYTHING IS A METAPHOR FOR THE MODERN WORKPLACE. You have been warned! In no particular order:

Guardians of the Galaxy

If you had told me that the best-selling film soundtrack of the year would have a Rupert Holmes song on it, from AN ALBUM I BOUGHT AT AGE TWELVE BECAUSE I WAS THE WEIRDEST KID EVER! I would have said, please pass the crack pipe, I need another puff. Frankly, I don’t know what brought me more joy: Watching Chris Pratt dance to Redbone or Dancing Baby Groot. Ah hell, I know the answer.

The Lego Movie

Again with the Chris Pratt, right? Frankly, Anna Farris needs to keep her man on lockdown or the whole world will steal him. FACT: I got a Cloud Cuckoo Land Lego Set for Christmas. I don’t know why it came with two pairs of handcuffs, but I guess Emmet and Wyldestyle are into some pretty interesting shit. Save your fifty shades of whatever jokes for next year! Also: Honey and I have watched the video below about 100 times. He will watch a You Tube Clip for days, I can at least say that for him.

Under the Skin

Body horror by Jonathan Glazer for the win! This movie haunts my dreams. The diegetic soundtrack plays in my head. In a perfect world, this almost wordless performance by Scarlett Johannson would get an Oscar nod. What does it really mean to be human? Sometimes, I don’t know. For the boys: Yes she’s nekkid. For the ladies: It’s nice to see a woman with a natural rack and ass for a change, amirite?

Snowpiercer

I waited a long time to see this but it was so worth it. One of the most original, well-designed science fiction films since Blade Runner, and that’s like another ice age ago. I hope Chris Evans isn’t really done with acting, because this was the kind of action hero I could get behind.

Love is Strange

I have a deep twisted fantasy about Alfred Molina, and the less I say about that the better. But this movie was quiet, and simple and the end was devastating and beautiful and hopeful in a way I didn’t anticipate. A beautiful soundtrack of Chopin etudes. And really, two performances that earlier in the summer I thought might get remembered at awards time, but know now won’t with the exception of the Independent Spirit awards.

What really happens when a job with benefits is taken away from you.. .Really people, this movie is a metaphor for the modern workplace.

Only Lovers Left Alive

What’s that you say, the most romantic movie of the year will have Tom Hiddleston and SWINTON as sexy vampires and be languidly directed by Jim Jarmusch! Mais bien sur!

Nightcrawler

And the number one movie of the year for Tanya that was a metaphor for the modern workplace WAS A METAPHOR FOR THE MODERN WORKPLACE! Who am I? I’m a hard worker. I set goals. And I’ve been told I am persistent.

Some of the best nighttime cinematography of L.A. I’ve seen in a while.  Some of the best L.A. auto chases since To Live and Die in L.A. Also, Riz Ahmed’s performance as Rick was a textbook example of what it was like to look for a job in 2014. I speak truth.

 

Next time, Tanya’s mix of K-Pop, hood rat soul and rock from 2014!

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One comment

  1. Gina · December 29, 2014

    Tilda Swinton — a goddess. I added some of these to watch lists.

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