I have a confession to make: I am writing this at work. I have absolutely NOTHING to do today. Frankly, I don’t have much to do these days. As I’ve already mentioned, Debbie Downer has been very….let’s say withholding, since she’s been back.
And in fairness, season is running down. But I’m supposed to be learning from the other coordinators, and no one really wants to teach me. Because that would endanger THEIR job.
The only positive thing I can mention is that a sweet girl who started the same day I did, back in September, is leaving to move back home with family. Her position MAY be opening up, and I want it. And I’ll try for it, and if I don’t get it, the writing is on the wall – written in blood and tears!
I would normally be out of here by now, but Negative Nancy told me that she wanted to leave early, and the boss told her she could if I can in from noon to five, the most ridiculous hours on the fucking planet. And it kind of doesn’t make sense, since the boss is off today, the person I’m supposed to coordinate for left at noon and we all knew she would. So why am I here again? Sitting here with a raging migraine, my period and NOTHING TO DO FOR FIVE HOURS.
But wait! I decided to upload one of my long-hibernating novels to Google Drive and work on revisions! Because I could totally self-publish now, why not? Who cares how bad or dated they might be?! Where was Google Drive ten years ago when I really needed it?!
Except….I put the first one up instead of the second one, and that was a mistake because your first novel should probably stay in that metaphysical desk drawer, I’m discovering.
When I was actively trying to write and get published in the laste 90s, early 2000s (up until 2006), I spent time in critique groups. And they DID NOT work for me. I don’t mean to disparage them, they work for some folks. And who’s to say I just wasn’t in the right ones? I really believe that was the problem. The first was with an older friend I met at a writing group, her doctor friend (who couldn’t write), and an ex-flight attendant and divorcée from Vancouver who hadn’t finished high school.
I’ll give you three guesses who has a shit ton of self-pubbed books on Amazon now. And whether they are good or bad( and they were almost unreadable back in the day), she at least DID it. What she wanted to do. And I can’t turn my nose up at that.
The second group was with a multi-published and agented author, who wrote in multiple genres, and though she was great and encouraging, I felt my writing at that time (the edgy young adult with four main characters) was not a good fit for the group.
So, in the case of my first book, a chick lit set in Atlanta, I let it be critiqued to death and it turned into a cutesy-poo piece of drivel that wasn’t “me.” And it is dated with way too many secondary characters, and that is no one’s fault but my own.
My question now is: Do I abandon the first novel (YES). Okay, I just answered my own question. But do I then work on the second (I can TRY. I didn’t make a lot of changes from the critiques). Or do something else?
Here is my idea: I wrote a short story long ago that is actually GOOD. I am NOT embarrassed by it. I think I could definitely list that at Amazon for .99 cents.
Then, if I’m really feeling it, edit novel number two and get it out there. But if I’m not, move on to number three.
Write something completely new and different. Make it a novella, so there’s not as much worry and commitment. Or even more short stories, which I really enjoy writing. Make it what I really want, don’t be afraid to be “too edgy” (something I used to get hammered for all the time, and now, HELLOO! Edge is IN).
Or, number four: Do something in a more essays/memoir vein, about what it’s like working in the new “gig” economy, which I’ve sadly been doing for the last eight years.
Whatever I decide, it’s my decision, and getting to that point alone is worth it.
It’s now Sunday morning, Easter Sunday, and also my beloved husband’s birthday. I hope the coming weeks will provide me with some clarity, and the ability to MOVE FORWARD where I am, or MOVE ON if that’s what I must do.
In very brief knitting news, and just to get some pictures of interest up here, this is the project I am currently working on – Thelma, from Berroco in Berroco Mixer, a tough thick and thin yarn that I had to rip back ten inches on a few weeks ago. But I’m a perfectionist, dammit!