I am a lifeflong South Floridian, but lord have mercy on my soul I have never been a fan of Lilly Pulitzer’s clothing. Oh, you can research her and the brand all you want and see they are both an integral part of the SoFla lifestyle. But I was never a preppy girl, not by any measure. And after I lost my job at the yarn barn, I really disliked Lilly, since my boss there, the multi-millionaire Palm Beacher who told me to “get the fuck out” as a way of laying me off, almost exclusively wore Lilly.
BUT. I needed a dress to wear to an upcoming outdoor wedding. I had nothing that would suffice, and it’s going to be approaching 90 degrees this week. What to do?
A few weeks back while my husband was on one of his work trips (or was it a vacation that I couldn’t take? I lose track) I set my alarm for 1 a.m. on Saturday night and was a part of the insane Target Web site breakdown when they released their Lilly for Target collection. Even celebrities were live-tweeting the horror of finding a shopping cart emptied. And I saw horror in jest, because I watch the news and know what’s going on the world.
But through a measure of luck or social media skills (I could see the CEO tweeting time windows and that helped) or the fact that I had a Lukas Moodysson movie queued up on Netflix and the cat was particularly rambunctious, I managed to score a simple trapeze dress in the XXL (my boobs!) size. And it actually came in the mail, and it actually fit.
And I know that may seem trivial and stupid and I’m frankly not thrilled about it anyway because even charging under $50 on my card was a stretch. Plus the fact that the dress is for my mother’s wedding this Thursday to the 88-year-old boyfriend.
Friends, I am not happy. And I don’t want to go to this wedding. My sister probably won’t. Which is not a surprise, and since I haven’t spoken to or seen her in almost two years, doesn’t much matter to me at this point.
But I decided to be the bigger person, to realize I can’t decide what does or doesn’t make my mother happy. It’s not my choice to make. If my mother is horribly lonely and wants to do this, I need to support her.
However, there are circumstances I can’t go into that make me very wary. All I can say is that she signed a prenup, and that will have to do.
But the enormity of the whole situation has started to hit me this week as I go through my cat worsening (lung tumor) and the possibility of losing him soon, even though I have been blessed to have these last five months with him that I didn’t anticipate I’d have.
Add to that my quest to find full time work that keeps hitting wall, and I have been crying this week. A lot. I’m driving my husband crazy, and that is not my intention.
This wasn’t the blog entry I wanted to post for May, but it’s the only one I’m capable of writing today. I had hoped things would be different. But I’m still trying, applying for multiple jobs daily and actually setting an appointment to see about getting my teaching certificate.
Wish me luck. And patience and acceptance.