привет!

I am deep in Olympicland, but sadly, I think I would rather be in Legoland. I am just NOT feeling Sochi, and it has nothing to do with Russia, and that awful Putin and the anti-gay laws etc.

Let’s be honest: Every country that has ever hosted and Olympics has had some human rights issues. We are not all sweet little baby cherubim with noble intentions. And considering what was done to the Indians in the U.S., I find it laughable that we are where most of the outrage comes from.

There’s no denying Russia’s art and culture, or that a lot of it was created by…..gay men! So yes, Putin needs to check himself before he wrecks himself.

No, my problem is NBC’S SHITTY COVERAGE. Can I say that again but louder? Okay, I’ll spare you.

I have been watching the Olympics since 1976. I remember the salad days of ABC coverage, Jim McKay may you RIP. I grew up with Dick Button, and if I can only read his tweets now, well, he’s 84 and that’s gonna have to be enough for me.

But I also remember the CBS coverage of Albertville and Lillehammer, and it was grand. Verne Lunvdquist for the win!

However, I have sat through NBC for the past several years. I have made it this far. Why now?

Well, first, I just feel that sorry for Bob Costas. I have had pink eye on more than one occasion, and prayed for death each time. I get it.

But my real problem is this: Lack of coverage.

I start my contract job next week (was supposed to start this week, but due to an HR snafu, it didn’t happen). So I had a whole week to enjoy the games! Did you know I used to take this time off ever winter Olympiad, just for this reason? It’s true! I remember, pre-Internet feeds, listening to Eurosport commentators call the ice dance on BBC Radio 1! And it was THRILLING!

But I also had the opportunity to watch extra coverage on the USA Network, or MSNBC. Sadly, those days are gone. If I want to watch anything, I have to pay extra to Comcast, and with my precarious employment situation, that ain’t happening. But you know, it wouldn’t no matter what. NBC Sports is broadcasting a lot of stuff in the daytime, but that isn’t even available on our cable package!

And in the daytime, NBC has my beloved Terry Gannon calling it with Johnny and Tara. Now look, those two aren’t my favorites of all time, but Tara is the Regina George of commentating, and if you can decode her snark, it’s DELICIOUS.

Never mind the fashion show:

Let’s be honest — despite the receding hairline (you can’t hide it with the pouf, Johnny), he looks prettier than Tara and her monster braid.

So, even though I’ve been stuck home today and all week, I get nada coverage until NBC decides to bless me with their handpicked crap at night. Today, I had to go take another drug test for this job, and wound up following the pairs long on Twitter. So, thank God for Twitter, and believe it or not, former World bronze medalist Laura Lepistö, who gives good tweets.

Highlights? There haven’t been many. There was THIS in the team competition: 

Thank you, Germany. Thank you so much for that Weimar Republic Weirdness mixed with fair isle and a hairline from the skate gods.

But NBC has such spotty coverage that I despair getting to see some of the 5th to 10th place ice dance finishers next week, because sometimes, that’s where the great stuff lies. I give you, Papadakis and Cizeron:

It’s like a Zalman King movie on the ice, and I love it.

I mean, last night in the pairs short program, they neglected to show THE THIRD PLACE FINISHERS! Who ended up taking the silver today! Egg on your face, NBC, egg on your face.

And I loathe Screamin’ Scottie Hamilton, Snobby Sandra Bezic, and most especially, Tom Hammond, who would tell me ice is made of water if he got the chance. In fact, he probably has.

So, I got nothing else. Nothing except this, the saddest gendarme and pinkest panther you ever did see:

Orange Aliona, you will forever have my heart. You saw Diva Navka do it in a classy way in 2004, and said, “How can I top it?”

Congrats, lady friend. You did. Thanks for the camel toe!